"I think I fall in love a little bit with anyone who shows me their soul. This world is so guarded and fearful. I appreciate rawness so much.”
So I decided to finally open my soul to somebody. Finally I decided just to be myself, not to care anymore about anything I'll say could sound stupid. This evening was the first to remember, when I really started talking out loud about my feelings, when I realized there are people who really care. In this night, I realized for the first time, that I need to talk about the things that lie in the deepest parts of my mind more often. While we were sitting in front of the fire, watching the flames burn, we just started talking. I do not really remember the details of exact topics, but I still clearly feel how this made me smile. And how, slowly, I started to care.
"The best conversations are the ones where you can just be you.”
It was one of these conversations. And for me it was one of the first conversations which made me feel this comfortable. When I opened my mouth, every word that came out, was appreciated and valueted. And for the first time I realized, that for a long time, I haven't been honest with anyone. I feared being rejected and adapted myself to every person I talked to. But this was still okay, I had different friends for different topics.
The worst part in this whole story was that I slowly learned to pull back myself and my actions. I am a silent person who rather listens than telling stories. But somehow I realized that slowly, I was changing myself into a person I didn't not really wanted to be. Into a person that isn't really herself, someone who isn't real. I hided my own self and personality deeply inside of my body and only let it out through paintings and photography nobody has ever seen. In reality, I continued to be the girl that was interested in everything and everbody, responded to every question and faked smiles, just to not create any negative impression of my appearance.
"But in this moment, I swear, we were infinite."
It felt a lot more intensive with feelings I could not describe. Feelings that are hardly kept to hand. Is this called luck or happiness? I guess it's what people call "to be yourself", to be real. Yourself. I understood that I am not the only person searching their way to themselves. But it does matter that I have waited enough to open my soul in front of the right people. Those who really exist, who are real and open theirselves just a I do.
fotografiert mit Canon EOS 750D und 50mm f/1.8